Ti’Ana Marshall
“Being a woman ain’t for the faint of heart” –Anonymous
When I was younger I admired my mother for her beauty. I watched her sweep on her ruby lipstick, fix her hair, and go about her daily task with the grace of 1,000 goddesses.
I wanted to be her—to slide my feet into a pair of heels, paint my face with a million different hues, and dare the sun not to shine my way. Repeatedly she would tell me “don’t rush baby-girl” or “baby-girl you’ll never need this stuff, you are beautiful without it”. I had a love hate relationship with the pet name “baby-girl”. I didn’t want to be a baby! I wanted to be a glamorous woman just like my mother.
It was not until I got a bit older that I began to recognize what her makeup was covering. The worry lines caused by outside and inside pressures, the blemishes and scars that never seemed to fade away. Not until I was older did I start to notice the growing pile of fitness and beauty magazines she seemed to read as if they were bibles. I eventually followed suit, reading article after article on what it meant to be a woman or what a “real woman” looks like. Nothing covered what was inside the mind of a real woman, only what her appearance consist of, and my mother’s words rang in my mind as I turned each page “don’t rush baby-girl”.
I did not realize what she was really trying to teach me until now.
To be a young woman still means my body is not my own, and it is considered brave for me to think so—and speak up.
Sexual assault is an act not taken seriously enough. Assault comes in several forms including forced sexual behavior, and uninvited touch.
According to a recent study conducted by CNN, 23% of women have been sexually assaulted on college campuses. Every 1 in only 3 women on college campuses is assaulted in some manner every year. This does not even cover the vast amount of assaults that go unreported. Why?
Though some may argue that society is evolving, its attitude toward women has yet to make a complete 360. Girls are still being taught to not be distractions for young boys, reiterating the lesson that her body is not her own. Instead it is an object that at any time can be hyper sexualized and it is her duty to maintain its purity.
Recently this concept has been taken to the extreme. A story covered by Msnbc.com focused on the shame suit epidemic.
A shame suit is an outfit given to students who break the dress code at their school, and are loud colors intended to bring attention to their deviance. The story featured on Msnbc discussed a young girl who was told her skirt was to short and therefore distracting. The school called for a skirt to only be 3 inches above the knee—her skirt was 4. According to policy, the student was supposed to be given the option to call home for a change of clothes; however, this option was not presented to her and she was given the shame suit to wear instead. Ultimately, she ended up being picked up early from school after breaking down to tears to the point of hyperventilation.
Shame suits are growing in their popularity as schools claim that they are buckling down on their dress code procedures. These procedures however, most often target young girls who are then labeled as distractions.
These shame suits are a disgrace, and are a reminder to our young girls that it is their job not to bring the attention of boys. Boys who turn into young men are therefore learning that it is not their fault if they assault a young lady—it is her fault for wearing provocative clothing.
For the record, a young man can be provoked from a young lady wearing a brown paper bag if she as much smiles in his direction.
A short video shot by Dailymail.co.uk proves that very point.
In a short video, a hidden camera follows women walking through the city of New York, as they are being cat called by various men. None of these women respond to the cat calls, and are either called out of their names, followed, touched, or all of the above. As this is happening, no one comes to their rescue, not one soul says a word to any of the men being disrespectful and these women are being sexually harassed in the open. Once again the video rings with the message that as a woman your body is a magnet for unwanted touch, unwanted attention and it is no fault of the man.
Then there is the other side of the coin.
Nigerian author and feminist, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, gave a powerful feminist speech that artist Beyonce sampled in her song “Flawless”. The author states:
“We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, you can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful. Otherwise, you would threaten the man. Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same? We raise girls to see each other as competitors not for jobs or accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are.”
We live in a society where being a woman is equal to being an object and any man is allowed to stake his claim without being reprimanded; however, the second a woman chooses to claim her body as her own she is labeled as a slut, or worse.
Amber Rose is the personification of such. In October of this year, she launched her very own movement entitled “Slut Walk”. Its purpose? To let women everywhere know that yes, women are allowed to be sexual beings, and it is ok to stake claim to your own body without being shamed for it. After all, men do it all the time and are in fact congratulated for their behavior.
The movement has gained both support and of course backlash. I, for one, admire her bravery and in fact find it sad that to be a woman claiming your own body is even considered an act of bravery in the first place.
Rose’s movement has given women the courage to own themselves, telling men everywhere that no does mean no, and while you may look, you must ask to touch.
It should not be considered an act of bravery for standing up for oneself when it comes to personal space being violated. Nor should it be considered brave for a person to stake claim on her own body. This should be normal, but sadly it is not.
I will teach my daughter that her body is her own, she can say no without feeling bad about it and if she ever feels uncomfortable she is allowed to stand up for herself.
She is not an object free to be hyper sexualized and blamed for the behavior of a boy who was not taught to keep his hands to himself.
We need a sexual education revolution. Young boys need to be taught to view women as humans not objects.
It is far past time that our girls stop being blamed for being distractions.
