Tag Archives: Women

Fear of Losing Connection — to Safety

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Sit up straight. Cross your legs. Carry this pepper spray at all times. Call me when you leave. Listen to your surroundings. Don’t go anywhere alone. Keep the police on speed dial. Don’t stay out past dark. If you do, you’ll be asking to get assaulted. It’s scary being a woman. In a matter of one week, at least 3 women from across the United States appeared on our local Texarkana news station as physically assaulted and beaten by men in broad daylight. 2 of these women died. Did they ask for this? Seeing the horrifying and gruesome images cast on-screen, alongside the details from the sole survivor, pulled me back to a recent concert I attended in Shreveport, Louisiana. Originally I was going to write a review, but there’s a more pressing issue here. There were no cellphones allowed at this concert.

Some might argue that it’s just Gen Z/millennial exaggerated worry of exiting the digital world, but it goes deeper than that. The worry wasn’t a loss of letting everyone know I was at a concert. The problem became more intense every time I had to leave my seat. True enough, the of exposure to stories of pain rather than pleasure skews our perceptions a bit, but the fact that my first thought when told I wasn’t allowed to have a form of digital communication was not ‘how will my friends know I’m having a good time,’ but ‘I shouldn’t go to the bathroom by myself.’ The fact that this occurs to women to the extent it does is disgraceful and disgusting.

According to NPR, in 2018, 81 percent of women had been sexually harassed at some point, with 77 percent having been verbally harassed, 34 percent being followed, and 27 percent being sexually assaulted. And the fact that one cannot google search the amount of women assaulted in a time frame without running into anything but sexual assault cases is baffling. Understand that women who feel this way aren’t just terrified of rape. Fear of leaving the side of someone else for various reasons strikes some women. These include being beaten to death, being raped, being shamed for being raped and wanting to abort a fetus that resulted from it, being shamed for what they wear, hearing people say that they could have prevented it, and the list goes on.

This is in no way meant to say that men do not experience some of the same things, but they certainly do not to the same extent (a Huffington Post article says that 90 percent of rape victims are women) and cannot fully understand the scope of the matter because they have not lived it. This is true for any situation involving someone of a different gender, race, or ethnicity. We cannot begin to comprehend some of the things our brothers and sisters have experienced. For this reason, women all over are just begging anyone to listen, a basic human interaction that many women don’t always get.

In terms of cell phone use, the problem with taking them away during a large public event where everyone are strangers is that something terrible, like the above mentioned beatings, could happen to anyone. But, as a woman, I felt more threatened. Accompanying men thought I was being ridiculous, but that is the meaning behind saying it’s difficult to understand if you haven’t been there. And, whether it’s the media or a random stranger who doesn’t know anything about the victim, someone will offer the ideas mentioned above: that they did something to deserve this, that they could have prevented it, and so on. And if they’re lucky enough to survive, they have to live not only with the traumatic experience, but also the pain of harsh side glances and crude gestures.

The gender problems in society run deep. Having to raise our daughters to constantly watch their backs, only wear one ear bud at a time, make sure their always wearing long pants and t-shirts, and so on, is terrifying. Having to design products specifically for women, like bejeweled pepper spray or security bras is insane. The problem has shifted from needing protection to needing self-defense training and better human interaction education.

So, don’t stand around and wait for big companies to tell you what is safe, because, despite rape incidents dropping sixty percent since the nineties, an alarming number of our women are still experiencing issues and feeling trapped. Get out there and fight for a better future, not just for you, but for your daughter, mother, girlfriend, self.

Speak up or stay quiet?

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Women are supposed to be quiet. Women are supposed to be polite. Women are supposed to be delicate creatures to be seen and not heard. These are just a few of the misconceptions people have about women that can be very damaging to women and society. Growing up, I was taught the importance of being a lady, but did not realize what that could convey to others. While my mother always told me to speak my mind, I realized at a young age that the girls that spoke their minds were viewed negatively. Teachers and students thought they were being bossy or rude when they were behaving like the boys.

Many women struggle with assertion because it is a quality that is more acceptable in men. If a woman is outspoken or bold in her approach to a situation or person, she is at risk of being viewed as less of a lady. This is a problem when they are put in situations where it is very important that they assert their opinions and feelings, such as the workplace.

On July 26, Utah nurse, Alex Wubbels, was arrested when she refused to let police take blood from an unconscious patient. Her arrest sparked outrage because she was following the correct legal protocol for her job and was put in handcuffs. However, how would this situation have been different if she had not spoken up? If this was the case, Wubbels could have lost her job for going against policy.

Because more women are choosing to be in traditionally male dominated careers, there is an increased need for assertiveness to ensure that these women are taken seriously in their profession. One step is for women to speak up. They should feel more comfortable making requests and asking questions. While some may feel uncomfortable asking their boss about a promotion, this can open a conversation that can lead to career advancement. It is also important to assume responsibility for emotions. Using “I” statements shows that they are not blaming anyone else for how they feel. The next step is to be ready for the consequences of assertion.

Women are showing their assertion through feminism and following celebrities like Jennifer Lawrence and Lady Gaga, who have spoken their minds on controversial subjects. This country is more welcoming to this behavior than others. Gauri Lankesh, an Indian journalist, was sentenced to prison for a story about a local leader of the Bharatiya Janata Party last year. On the evening of September 5, she was found dead on her porch from gun shots. Although it is unknown the reason for her murder, she was known to be outspoken.

While there are still grave consequences for assertion, it is still an important skill for women to work on. It can help women move forward in both their professional and personal lives. It truly is a skill to communicate thoughts, ideas, and opinions without being disrespectful. The absence of this skill can keep women from advancing further in their lives, which counteracts with what many women are working very hard toward.